Sacred Union
by imp

Sacred Union

imp

Summary

Parker and Hardison pretend to be married for a job.

Notes

None

Chapter One

"James Johnson is a completely ordinary man. He lives in the suburbs, goes golfing on weekends, and has a wife he occasionally cheats on with high-class escorts." Nate paused. "He's also engineering the biggest takeover of meth distribution since meth labs became common in the country."

"And we're gonna grab him," Hardison said.

Nate nodded.

Parker figured they'd just make Sophie be a hooker – escort – right up until Nate said, "Parker, Hardison. How do you feel about getting married?"

Hardison fell out of his chair. Sophie said, "Nate, no." And Parker sat very, very still.

Nate held up his hands. "For a month. It's not exactly the biggest commitment any of us have had to make for a job."

"Well, no, but it's not precisely necessary, is it?" Sophie said.

"Nate, man, there's no way. We'll do something else," Hardison said.

"This is the easiest way in."

"Maybe if you graduated from Joe's Screen Door Repair and Con Man School." Hardison shook his head. "Are we professionals or not?"

"Johnson's a professional," Nate said. "We need to get into his home. Hardison, you're going to telecommute. Parker, you work for an insurance company."

"Insurance?" Hardison shook his head.

"I'm not selling anyone anything," Parker said.

"Relax. You can spend the day in the company break room."

Or stealing. Parker nodded. "Okay."

"Okay?" Hardison shook his head. "That's betrayal, right there."

"We do what Nate says," Parker said.

"Even if it's completely mad," Sophie said.

Eliot shrugged. "At least someone else has to do the humiliating shit this time."

"Betrayal!" Parker snapped. Eliot raised his eyebrows. He didn't get the joke. Sophie looked like she might, but they'd talked about their feelings enough for the week, so Parker wasn't going to ask what she thought.

Hardison laughed, which was nice.

"You move in tomorrow," Nate said. "Sophie, buy Parker's wardrobe today. Make sure there are plenty of pastels."

"Eliot," Sophie said.

She was going to make him go shopping with her. Parker smiled when Eliot groaned. Once Nate let them all go, she left through the window.

||

Moving sucked. Nate and Eliot were their movers and Hardison got to look nervous and stay on his computer. Parker had to wear a ruffly shirt and look suburban. Or at least, that was how Sophie told her to look. Eliot said that she looked like she'd been sucking on a lemon.

She was telling Nate not to break her vase or else when Mrs Johnson came over. She was smiling too wide and her voice was squeaky. Parker remembered she was supposed to be paying attention in time to hear her say, "And Jane, we'd be delighted to see you at the barbecue next weekend!"

"Sure!" Parker smiled and hoped it didn't look scary. "I'm so excited to be here! The houses are huge!"

Maybe people didn't say that. Mrs. Johnson didn't look all that happy. "Well, yes, dear. This is a lovely neighborhood, after all. Now, you be sure to come to that barbecue."

Parker watched her leave. "I'm bad at this."

Hardison didn't lie, at least not to her. Mostly. "You are. No clue why Nate's making us do this."

"We'll have to sleep together."

"And kiss in front of windows, and hold hands. I know – I was there, remember?"

Parker noticed most things. She always noticed Hardison. "Okay. I wanted to make sure you were prepared."

That made him raise his eyebrows. "Why? You okay?"

"I said I'd do it." She held her breath and hoped he wouldn't ask any more stupid questions.

He didn't. "All right. Looks like Nate and Eliot are done." He shut his laptop. "Ready to be Mrs. Hardison?"

She didn't tell him to stop asking if she was okay. "Are you ready to be Mrs. Parker?"

"Touché." He grinned. "Let's go."

||

The house was too nice and there was nothing to do.

"You could watch TV," Hardison said.

"I don't watch TV." Parker moved to the other end of the living room. "And I can't do flips, Nate told me so."

"I could show you how to hack NATO?"

"They don't have money." Parker sat down on the floor. Maybe she could go back to being very quiet.

"Oh, hey, I know." Hardison snapped his fingers. "Yoga. Bored-ass housewives do it all the time. It's not flips, but at least you won't just be sitting there."

Parker shrugged and took her top off.

Hardison was staring. "Uh. Yoga's – you know it's not sex, right?"

Parker rolled her eyes and took her pants off.

"No, seriously." Hardison pulled his laptop closer to him. "I'm, you know, flattered, but –"

Now that she could move enough, Parker put both feet behind her head and pressed her face against the floor.

"...Well. This is embarrassing."

"I know what yoga is," Parker said.

"Clearly." Hardison still sounded like he had a bug in his throat. "So I'm going to – yeah. I'm going to go."

Parker took a hand off the carpet to wave. Maybe he was going to mow the lawn. Guys took their shirts off when they did that: Parker could watch.

||

"Mrs. Johnson wants me to get a pedicure with her."

Hardison blinked up at Parker. He'd fallen asleep on the couch last night in his boxers. She hadn't pulled the blinds back yet. It was a Saturday and Parker didn't think Mrs. Johnson would understand Parker making Hardison sleep on the couch if she looked in their windows. And she would look in their windows, because she was nosy. Parker didn't like it about her. It was only okay when the team was nosy.

Hardison blinked up at her. She waited for him to wake up enough to make words.

"...what're you wearing?"

Parker sighed. "That's not the point! I can't go get a pedicure."

"But you can wear a...is that a bra?"

"It's a corset. Sophie says it goes under the fancy dress I have to wear for the gala. I'm threading fishing line into it. I can't get a pedicure."

He finally woke up enough to sit up. He was still blinking like he wasn't sure which way was up. Tech guys were all the same, she thought. Even when they were the best tech guys in the country.

Or maybe the world. Probably the world.

"All right, wait, hold on." He held out his hands. "Why can't you get a pedicure?"

Parker stuck her right foot in his face. "That's why."

Hardison jerked back farther than she'd thought he would. It wasn't like her feet were dirty, just covered in cuts and bruises. She was a thief. They didn't have nice feet.

Maybe Hardison expected his fake wife to have nice feet. Parker thought that was pretty unfair, but if she checked with Nate he'd probably just pour himself another drink.

"I'll blow my cover."

"Right, because you're so realistic right now."

Parker frowned. She wasn't good at this, but there was no reason for Hardison to act like that. "Fine. I'll get a pedicure." She moved to pull her foot away.

Hardison touched her foot, which was stupid, but it stopped her from moving. "I know it's hard," he said quietly.

"It's not that hard," Parker said, because it wasn't, and also she wanted to be able to stand on both feet and maybe walk away form Hardison right now. "Please. I can do way harder things."

Hardison let go of her and smiled. "You sure? Getting manicures is rough."

She sat down on the floor, enough feet away from him to be able to relax. "I'll make you get one when we get back."

"Nothing in the world could make me."

"I'll find a way," Parker said. He laughed and she leaned back. The sound was nice, and they could watch TV and not talk. She didn't think what was on was all that interesting, but Hardison was going to stay, so she could pretend.

||

Parker got to break into the Johnson's about twice a week, which was fun. There were all kinds of files and Nate wanted all of them. He wouldn't tell Sophie exactly why, which made Sophie mad, but as long as Parker got to steal she wouldn't go completely crazy.

"I think I'm getting used to being married," Parker said. She was hanging upside down, which they'd decided she could do as long as it was night and they had a reason to close the blinds. Hardison had bought her Doritos because her Lay's had run out, and he said Doritos were more fun, so she was eating those.

Hardison laughed. "Yeah, because we've got a real normal marriage, here."

Parker thought about her foster families. "I think we do."

"Neither of you would know normal if it punched you in the face," Eliot said. "It's three in the goddamn morning. Go to sleep so I can."

"Are Nate and Sophie sleeping together yet?" Parker thought this job might get easier if they were.

Judging by the noises Eliot was making, the answer was no. Oh well.

"I like being up this late," she added. "It's nice and peaceful."

"And you can hang upside down," Hardison said.

Parker wasn't sure why he was up. Hardison was a nerd and he told her nerds had to stay up late, it was who they were, but he was still usually asleep by two in the morning. "Can you sleep with me upside down?"

"Uh. Yes?"

"Just wondering," she said. It didn't sound like Sophie sounded when she deflected ("Deflection is an important skill, Parker"), but she knew that Hardison wouldn't push her.

"I'm tired," she said the next time he yawned. "Let's go to bed."

"Oh, Jesus," Eliot said. "Parker."

"What?"

"No, man," Hardison said.

"Never mind," Eliot said.

"You're almost as bad at deflecting as me," Parker said, and flipped to her feet again. She took off her comm. "I'm going to change, then you can come in," she said, and walked as quickly as she could to the bedroom.

She wasn't sure when she'd been around people enough to notice when things were awkward, but she knew she didn't like it.

||

"Parker," Hardison said.

"What?" Parker said, and then realized she wasn't wearing a towel. "Oops."

"I thought we talked about this."

"We did." It wasn't like she didn't know she couldn't be naked around Hardison if they were going to stay married. Fake married. "I forgot."

"Just -" Hardison sighed. He looked ridiculous with his hand over his eyes. "Okay. Cool. Right. It's good. We're good."

"I'm going to go put on clothes now," Parker said, and did. When she came back out of the bathroom, Hardison was still in the room with his hand over his eyes.

She wondered why he didn't leave. "Hardison. Hardison."

"It's fine!" Hardison yelled, then looked embarrassed.

"You can look now," Parker said. "And I won't forget again."

Hardison took his hand off his eyes. He looked like he might fall over. Parker tried hard to feel bad about the mistake. It was the kind of thing that would make Sophie sigh, so no matter how funny Hardison might be, Parker knew she couldn't keep it up.

"It's all right," Hardison said. "But you know, if we're gonna be living here awhile longer, we can't just run around naked. It sets a precedent."

"You're not making any sense," Parker said.

"I have to go," Hardison said, and stumbled out of the bedroom. From the sounds of it he was going to the game room. Parker didn't follow. She wasn't good at much with people but she could tell when someone needed to be alone.

So she went to the living room and turned on her comm. "I upset Hardison."

"We heard," Eliot said. He sounded mad.

"Are they still making you watch us?"

"Now I'm watching the Johnsons. They're twice as boring."

"And it's your job, Eliot," Nate said. "Parker, you need to work things out with Hardison."

"I don't know how."

"You're married now." He sounded too cheerful, and Parker wanted to stab him. "I'm sure you'll think of something."

Since she couldn't say 'I want to stab you', she cut the connection again. She'd talk about stabbing Nate with Hardison before the check-in at night.

Hardison didn't come out until past noon. "You taking a sick day or something?" he said, setting his laptop down on the table and going to grab some chips.

"I haven't eaten," Parker said, so he tossed her a packet of cookies. "Nate says I have to work things out with you because we're married."

"Nate's a lunatic."

"I know."

Hardison sat down on the other end of the couch - and then glanced at Parker and got up to move a little closer. He was hunched over his laptop and munching on chips before he said, "It's just a little weird, you know. We've done stuff for the job before, but this? I'm no good at long cons."

"You're not the one who walked around naked."

"Thank your lucky stars."

Parker would've liked to see him naked, actually, but she wasn't going to say that. "I can't tell Nate I want to stab him."

"Maybe you should. He can't blow our cover by doing anything about it."

"He'd find a way."

"You're probably right." Hardison was doing something on his laptop that involved a lot of typing. Parker watched his hands move. She was surprised he couldn't pick locks very well; it seemed like he should be able to, with how coordinated he was. And he had nice fingers. He'd look good picking locks.

"...Parker?"

She looked up. She'd been staring. Sophie would be disappointed. "Sorry. You have nice hands. Sorry."

Hardison got the look on his face that meant he was thinking something he wasn't going to tell Parker. "We don't need to talk about it."

"Okay." Good. She didn't have any explanation anyway.

"We just have to stick it out. We'll do it. And then I can get back to my place, and you can go back to yours."

That just made her remember the way they'd broken into her house, which didn't help much. She knew they'd had to, but it was still...weird. "Okay. Good."

Hardison glanced at her like he thought she might try to bite him or something. "We good?"

She forced herself to smile. "Yep."

"You want a book to read or something?"

Maybe Parker wasn't the best student, but she had learned a few things from Sophie. "No, that's okay. You should turn the TV on." She crammed her feet under Hardison's legs.

Hardison jumped. "Cold toes! Cold toes!"

Or maybe not. Parker moved back.

Hardison grabbed her ankle awkwardly. "You should, uh. Let me warm them up." He was staring at the wall and looked embarrassed.

Parker wished Sophie was here. Or even Eliot. Just someone who could tell her what they were doing. She didn't think Hardison knew that much more than she did about what was going on.

So she didn't say anything when he tucked her feet back between his back and the couch and turned the TV on.

She thought if someone walked in right now they'd look married. It was nice. It made sense why so many people made themselves miserable and spent tons of money on divorces, if they thought they'd get this for awhile.

||

Parker never fell asleep unless she wanted to. Being a thief meant she slept irregularly and sometimes had to wait in tiny spaces for hours on end. So when she woke up with her head on the side of the couch she bolted upright.

Hardison was sitting at the table on the far end of the room. "Hey," he said. "Didn't want to wake you up."

She checked for drool as discreetly as she could. "I didn't fall asleep on you, did I?"

"Nah," Hardison said. "You -"

"What?"

"Nothing."

"It's not nothing."

"You just looked like you didn't want anyone to touch you," Hardison said.

Since she used to get woken up with kicks and pokes from her foster parents and the other kids she figured that made sense. "No one's ever seen me sleep before."

That made him look at her. "No one? Seriously?"

Parker shrugged. "I never get caught."

"Right." Hardison shook his head. "You sure you don't want somewhere else to sleep? We can get you a bed that rolls under or something."

"I don't want to sleep on a cot. And you're warm." Parker thought she might have woken up because Hardison had moved. She'd gotten used to sleeping close to him.

What if it turned into something like the thing with the guy and the dog? Parker frowned. "Actually, maybe we should."

"You're not going to fall asleep every time Hardison's nearby," Nate said in her ear. "Pavlovian responses don't work like that. And you both missed the check-in."

"Hell," Hardison said, pulling his laptop closer. "By ten minutes, Nate."

"You should have woken her up."

"I - you - man, I'm not even going to start."

"Can you read my mind?" Parker asked, because if Nate had figured out how to con her into psychically beaming things into his head she was going to rethink working with the team.

"People are predictable," Nate said, which was a smug way to say 'no'. "Have you had any luck tracing Johnson's supply chains?"

"Not as much as we'd like," Hardison said. "He's too professional. Guy's got a list of contacts as long as my leg. In seven-point font."

"Well, narrow it down," Nate said. "Parker, how close are you to cracking Mrs. Johnson?"

"She's not a safe."

"I've got Sophie on it too," Nate said. "You just stay put. We'll need you to do more than periodic break-ins soon."

"If I don't get to rob a bank after this I'm going to be mad," Parker said, watching Hardison.

He smiled a little. Parker was focusing on it so much that she almost didn't hear Nate say, "We'll line you up a job, I promise."

"Things are fine with me," Eliot said loudly. "You know, in case anyone was wondering."

"Order pizza tonight," Nate said. "Give the Johnsons something to analyze."

"Wait, what about pizza says 'analyze me'?" Hardison said.

"You're suburbanites, remember?" Nate said over Eliot's growl of "Domino's." "Pizza's out of character. It'll make them curious."

"There's the barbecue in a week, too," Parker said.

"Right. Trust me, Hardison."

"That's my problem," Hardison said, but he looked relaxed. "We done?"

"That's it for tonight. Check in tomorrow before the barbecue."

"Bye," Hardison said, and hit a button on his laptop. Parker heard her communicator die. "Cool, huh?" Hardison said, grinning.

"Very cool," Parker said. She wasn't lying.

"Thanks. Well." Hardison yawned and stretched. It almost looked fake. "I'm going to sleep. Big day tomorrow."

"Horrible day tomorrow," Parker corrected. "I'll be in - "

She couldn't say she'd be in soon and she knew why, which just made it weirder and more embarrassing. "See you later," she finished, looking down.

"Hey."

Something about Hardison's voice made her look up. "Yes?"

"You don't have to - " Hardison sighed. "Just - we can go to sleep at the same time, you know."

Parker watched him. She wasn't sure what he was trying to say. Or offer, or maybe ask for. "We can?"

"Sure. I'm not going to try anything."

"I know," Parker said, because she did. That wasn't the problem.

What was the problem, anyway? Maybe it didn't matter. "Okay," she said, and stood up. "I get the right side."

"Sure thing," Hardison said, grinning.

Even though she wasn't sure what they were doing, she thought it was probably a bad idea. She didn't care. She followed him back to the bedroom and went into the huge walk-in closet to change into one of the stupid lacy nightgowns she had to wear. "You're lucky," she said, coming out. "You get pants."

"Couple more weeks," Hardison said. He was in the bathroom brushing his teeth. Parker sat on the bed and waited for him to finish. "Anyway, it could be worse."

"Don't talk about sexy underwear. I'll hurt you," Parker said, and watched Hardison spit his toothpastey water out with a choking noise.

"Was that a joke?" Hardison said when he could talk again.

Parker smiled a little.

"Well," Hardison said, looking away. "Bathroom's yours."

He looked happy, so when Parker stood up and walked past him she brushed her shoulder against his. She could see the team in her mind. Eliot would be angry, Nate would be amused, and Sophie would be worried. They all would have good reasons for it.

But Parker wasn't stupid. Even about people, she was rusty, not stupid. They were going to figure it out. If anyone could, she thought, it was Hardison.

He was already in bed by the time she got back out. "Pull the blanket down. You're too warm for that," she said, and got in on the other side.

The sheet was cool where it touched her skin. When Hardison pushed the blanket back, she paid attention to the way the bed shifted.

"Well," Hardison said after a few minutes. "Goodnight."

She smiled. "Goodnight," she said, and clapped her hands to make the lights go out.

||

Hardison was already gone when she woke up. She did her stretches, showered, and then got dressed in Jane's annoying clothes. It wasn't even eight when she got into her BMW and drove to the insurance company.

She got through the building and into the room Nate had stolen for today's meeting. "Anything new?"

"Production's moving through quicker than we thought," Nate said. "You'll need to disappear during that barbecue and grab some files we heard referenced. Sophie's just about hooked him on the investment scheme, but we need something concrete to bring him down with."

"What about Hardison?"

"He'll be tracing Johnson's records, getting a list of his associates, and setting up methods to seize their funds once we bring Johnson down."

"Okay." Parker stood. "See you Monday."

"Parker?" Nate tilted his head to look up at her. He never needed to tower over people to control a conversation. "Be careful."

"I am."

"I meant - actually, never mind."

Parker figured she'd jump off a cliff before she talked about her feelings with Nate. "Can I go now? It's free lunch day in the science department."

Nate picked up the glass of alcohol he'd somehow managed to find. "Go ahead. We'll see you on Monday."

"I said that already," Parker reminded him, and let herself out.

Anywhere would have been better than the insurance offices, but Hardison had promised to teach her how to play Mario when she got back. Actually, it had been more like a threat, and Parker had told him no. But she figured he knew she'd want to do it.

When she got home, she found a note on Hardison's laptop: Went out shopping. Be back soon.

She didn't like the thought of him going out shopping alone. What if Johnson figured out what they were doing and kidnapped him? But she knew he liked to think he could handle himself, so she settled in the kitchen with a new fireproof safe to wait.

She'd gotten her time down to five minutes when he came through the door. He had so many bags he was stumbling a little.

Parker saw what was in one of them and wrinkled her nose. "Why'd you buy vegetables?"

Hardison set the bags down on the table with a groan. "Eliot's coming over Monday, remember? If he sees us eating fish sticks and Doritos he'll throw a fit."

"He'll see us eating Doritos anyway. We can't cook before he comes, he'd be offended."

"Yeah, well, maybe he'll relax if we give him ingredients." Hardison tossed her a jar of mayonnaise. "Put the fridge stuff away?"

Neither of them had bothered organizing the cupboards or the fridge. Parker nodded and started shoving stuff in. The celery went in the side door, because Parker thought storing sauces there was stupid. "How was your day, honey?"

Hardison dropped something behind her. "Uh, what?"

"That was a joke," Parker said, and put the ground beef in the vegetable crisper.

"Right. Okay. It was good. Nate's got me building back doors in every computer in the drug business, it feels like."

Parker smiled. "So we can get all their money when Johnson's arrested."

"If Johnson's arrested. We've got to get some serious info on him."

"Nate has files for me to steal."

She must have made it obvious how boring the idea of stealing from the Johnsons again was, because Hardison said, "I promise you, next job we pull, you'll have to crack at least three safes. In ten minutes."

"That's sweet of you," Parker said. She was a little disappointed when Hardison didn't drop anything else.

When they'd gotten the groceries put away, she said, "You're going to teach me Mario now."

"Thought you didn't want to learn," Hardison said, but he looked happy.

"I was joking." Parker blinked at him. "Let's go."

That was how she ended up with him behind her, reaching over her shoulder occasionally to point to the right buttons to push. She knew he cheated, but he never showed the codes to her. "You gotta learn how to play first," he said, and grinned when she rolled her eyes at him.

She ended up sitting on the floor, leaning back against his leg. He had his computer and she thought he was probably doing complicated things he wouldn't want to talk about, but it was fine, because she still got to listen to him encourage her when she had trouble with the levels.

When she'd beaten the third level she said, "Do you ever think about getting married for real?"

"Do you?"

Parker snorted. "Please. I'm not - I'm not marrying anyone."

"Same here."

She thought it over. "Why?"

"Just don't think I'll find the right person." Hardison put the computer aside and stood up. "And anyway, you've got to have a paper trail to get married for real."

"We are married for real, in papers."

"And not for real. See, why bother?"

Parker could think of some reasons, but she couldn't explain them without sounding weird. "Marrying you might be okay sometimes" would make things too awkward even for her.

"Hand me the cookies," she said instead, and took two Oreos. "How do I kill this guy?"

"You'll figure it out," Hardison said. Parker bared her teeth and went back to playing.

||

That night, she couldn't sleep. It wasn't until she rolled over and saw Hardison staring at the ceiling that she realized he couldn't sleep, either.

Parker acted without thinking sometimes. You had to, if you were a thief. But she never didn't think when Hardison was around.

So when she said, "Hey, follow me," she was surprised, a little.

But Hardison did follow her. They got dressed without looking at each other, and then Parker led them outside.

"You athletic types are nuts," he said when Parker sped up their walking. They were wearing weird Nike clothes that Nate had said they had to use if they were going to go running. Parker figured if she went running now Hardison would probably trip over himself, but just walking should be okay.

"I can't see anything," Hardison said. Parker heard him stumble over a tree branch, cracking it and almost falling over.

"It's not too bad," she said. The gated community had lights all over the place, and the moon was full. She could have read a book with this amount of light.

"Like I said, nutty athletic types."

Don't think about it, Parker told herself, and reached back to grab his hand. She didn't have to fumble; she knew exactly where he was.

She thought maybe he'd say something stupid, and then she'd have to come up with an explanation or let his hand go. But he didn't say anything at all. His hand tightened a little on hers and he came so that they were walking beside each other.

"It'll be over soon," Parker said. "Then you can go back to your six computers and Eliot and me can beat each other up every Wednesday."

"How do you know I've got six computers?" Hardison said.

"I've been in your house. It's nice."

Hardison relaxed. She wasn't sure what he thought she was going to say. "That's fine, then," he said. "Anyway, I kind of figured you had been."

"You should upgrade your security. The cameras were easy."

"Nah," he said, and moved a little closer. "I'm good."

||

She panicked about everything at a really inconvenient time, while they were getting dressed for the barbecue. Hardison had walked out shirtless, and even though he'd apologized and practically run back into the bathroom, Parker pretty much figured the damage was done, because she couldn't stop thinking about him.

This was why she only had sex with people who she could get arrested if they didn't go away when she wanted them to. Things got complicated.

And right now she couldn't even talk to Sophie about it.

They were separated right away when they got to the Johnsons'. "Jane!" Mrs. Johnson practically ran over to hug Parker. "I'm so glad you could come!"

Parker made herself smile. "Me, too! I'm so excited! Barbecues are great!"

Mrs. Johnson didn't even stop smiling. "Of course! You just have to meet Mark, he owns an interior design firm that could work magic with your living room! Not that your living room is dull, dear, but you're just settling in, of course."

Rich people loved to insult each other. Parker made herself smile even wider and said, "Sure! I'd love to have someone do our living room. We're bad at it. Did he do your living room? We'll tell him not to use so much red."

"Well, of course he can tailor things to your desires. Mark, dear, this is Jane, she just moved in next door!"

Parker shook Mark's hand, making sure her necklace with the camera in it was turned the right way around. In her ear, Nate said, "Mark Hamilton, smuggler extraordinaire. The Johnsons know how to pick 'em. Flirt with him, Parker, and then get to Mr. Johnson's study."

Flirting. Great. "It's so nice to meet you. Betty was telling me you make great - rooms. Nice rooms, for people to live in."

"I do my best." Mark's voice was too deep and his red face made him look like an alien. Parker wasn't sure she could flirt with him without blowing her cover. Why would she bother with this guy if she was married to Hardison? It didn't make any sense. "I could design a room that would make a beautiful girl like you even more gorgeous."

Parker laughed. It was a little too loud, but Mark would probably just think he was charming her. "You're so funny," she said, and snorted a little. "But I have to go to the bathroom. Where's the bathroom?"

"I'll take you there," Mark said, and grabbed one of her hands. His hand was squishy and cold.

Parker let him lead her to the bathroom. He tried to crowd her and kiss her, but she slipped away just in time. "I'll see you downstairs," she said, smiling and bending one knee so that her dress slipped back.

It worked. Mark stepped back, said something stupid Parker wasn't paying attention to, and left her alone.

She got to Johnson's study easily, plugging the USB drive Hardison had given her earlier into the computer and rifling through the files. "You're looking for a manifest list," Nate said. "The names of people distributing, how much, that kind of thing. It should be in a one-inch binder. Once you've got that and the USB port, you can go out the back. Eliot's in the bushes."

"If I get poison ivy again," Eliot said, "I'm going to take every single one of you out."

"I didn't see Sophie," Parker said as quietly as she could. She had to open five binders before she found the right one.

"She's going to arrive a little late, make a splash," Nate said. "She wants Johnson to think he's getting lucky soon, which means she gets to offend the hostess."

"I've got it," Parker said. She didn't wait for Nate's okay to take the files and the USB stick out the window.

Evading the cameras and getting out of a third-story window in a dress when a barbecue was going on in the backyard was enough of a challenge that by the time she got to Eliot, she was grinning. Eliot took the stuff and nodded at her, which was pretty much how Eliot hugged. "Good luck out there."

"I can't stab anyone," Parker said. "I want a bonus."

"Don't worry, we'll be rolling in it once this is over," Nate said. "Go back to the party, but don't worry about offending anyone. We don't need them to like you; you can get it all done while they're sleeping now."

"Oh, Christ," Eliot said when Parker smiled. "Nate -"

Parker turned the communicator off and went back to the party. Hardison was flirting with some brunette wearing an ugly dress that showed off more cleavage than Parker even had. "Hi, honey," Parker said, and got her arms around Hardison's neck, kissing him hard.

"So I'm going to - go," Hardison said, and flapped a hand at the brunette. Parker laced their fingers together and went over to Mrs. Johnson. "We have to leave. Also, your bathroom is dirty and Mark's a sleazebag," she said, and led Hardison back to their house, walking all over Mrs. Johnson's flowers in the process.

"We're gonna be the talk of the town," Hardison said when they closed the door.

They were still holding hands. Parker shook him off and wiped her hand on her dress, not looking at him. She couldn't think when she was touching him.

"That was fun," she said when she could talk again.

"Yeah." Hardison sounded careful again. "You want to watch a movie or something?"

"A movie's good," Parker said, and didn't move.

"You could go change," Hardison said. "You know, if you want to."

"Good idea," Parker said, and went upstairs. She came back down in her normal clothes, black pants and a black tank top. She looked more like a thief than usual, but the Johnsons wouldn't be coming over. "Your turn."

Things got less awkward once they were both wearing normal clothes and sitting on the couch. Parker would have been happier cracking a safe, but the movie had talking bugs, which was at least a little interesting.

She was about to lie about being tired when Hardison said, "Do you hear that?" and Parker realized that the doorknob was rattling in the way that meant whoever was badly picking the lock was almost done.

There wasn't time to think. She grabbed Hardison and pulled him down on top of her, saying, "If we look real they'll go away."

And then she was kissing Hardison and it didn't really matter when Johnson and Mark burst in on them.

"Oh," Johnson said. "We're -"

Hardison lifted his head. "I thought I locked that door. Honey?"

"You definitely locked that door. Probably. Maybe." Parker wiggled against him. "We're busy," she told Mark and Johnson.

"Obviously." She couldn't see Johnson, but he sounded surprised. "We, ah - we have the wrong house, clearly. A little too much champagne, I'm afraid."

"You can let yourselves out," Hardison said, and bent his head back down again, kissing Parker.

"Do you think it worked?" Parker said against his lips when the door banged shut.

Hardison pulled back. Parker didn't miss the way his hands were shaking a little, but she didn't know how to bring it up - and the world was spinning, anyway. Kissing wasn't supposed to do that. "Maybe. We gotta be careful, though."

"Nate thought it was okay."

"If Nate was perfect, life'd be easier," Hardison said. "You okay?"

"Fine!" She was too loud. She lowered her voice and tried again. "Fine. I didn't think we'd have to do that."

"Did my breath stink or something?" Hardison said. His smile looked forced.

Parker thought about all the things she could say. Hardison wasn't going to make her talk about it. She could say all of the stupid things in the world and he'd just let her know he was still there. Sometimes she wanted to ask him what he'd been doing for three years. If he'd slept with anyone. She wanted to think it wouldn't matter if he had, but she knew that it would.

"No," she said when she could make herself breathe enough to talk. "You were good."

Hardison got it. He always did. "Let's finish the movie," he said, and grabbed the remote, turning the volume up a little.

But he didn't move away. He kept his arm back behind her, and their sides were just close enough for Parker to feel his body heat. It was a step, Parker thought. An important one.

Hopefully Johnson wouldn't do anything too crazy before they could figure things out.

||

Two days later, Parker had hardly seen Hardison at all and she was starting to fantasize about killing him.

It wasn't fair. They were working a job. They'd kissed before plenty of times on jobs. Just because they were holding hands now didn't mean things had to get weird between them.

She was so jumpy that when someone pounded on the front door she broke her glass. It was the third that week. "I'm not paying for this," she muttered, throwing the shards away.

"- about time," Eliot said when she opened the door. "Nate's going crazy trying to figure out how Johnson's keeping his sources locked up so tight, and what the fuck, is this what you've been eating?"

Parker looked around. There were five bags of chips, two containers of cookies, and six cans of soup in the kitchen. Oops.

"No," she said. "We keep this out. For our cover."

"You're a couple of suburbanites who think ordering takeout is the biggest risk you'll ever take." Eliot was practically growling.

"You're here now. Cook for us," Parker said.

"You think I'm just going to - I'm not your chef!"

Parker blinked at him and waited.

"...fine." Now he really was growling. "I'll make you stuffed peppers."

"I don't like peppers," Hardison said, coming in from the computer room.

"I'll make you fucking peppers and you'll like it," Eliot said, and grabbed their brand-new and probably very sharp butcher knife.

"Jesus," Hardison said. "All right, all right. Parker, make sure he doesn't poison them." He wandered off, laptop in hand.

"Right," Eliot said when he was gone. "So. We're not going to talk about what's happening with you guys."

Parker tried to keep from frowning when she sat down. "I don't want to talk."

"I'm not asking you how it went, or how awkward it was, or whether or not kissing for cover bugs you."

"That's good."

"Or how together you think Hardison has it, or if you're ready to get all gross and couple-y with him."

"Good."

"Well?"

"What?"

Eliot threw his hands up and turned around. "Never mind. God, I don't know why I bother."

Parker watched him with interest. "Are we almost done?"

"Do you want to be?"

"Oh, I get it," Parker said. "I don't want to talk about my feelings, Eliot."

Eliot growled and turned away. Parker stole a piece of cubed cheese and watched him cook the beef.

"Do you think he'll stop if I ignore him?" she said finally.

"Wait." Eliot stabbed the cutting board. "What's he been doing?"

"Nothing," Parker said. "That's the point. Do you think he'll stop?"

"Are you talking about him caring about you?"

Parker shrugged.

"I can't read the guy's mind. Probably not."

"Would you?"

"You know the answer to that."

She did. Eliot didn't let people go. But no one knew about Hardison, because he didn't have a big dramatic past to come chase him down.

It wasn't that she wanted Hardison to have a big dramatic past, or something. It just would have been nice if someone could tell her what was going on.

"I hope the peppers are good," she said instead of answering.

"They'll be amazing. The best thing you've ever put in your mouth."

Parker stared instead of replying.

"Yeah, okay, that was - yeah." Eliot shook his head. "So I'm going to cook."

"Sure," Parker said.

"You should go hang out with Hardison."

"And talk about our feelings?" Parker shook her head. "No way. Uh-uh. Nope."

"Parker." Eliot sighed. "You don't have to talk. Just - trust me. Go out there."

"I'm telling Sophie you did girl talk," Parker said. But she could tell Eliot thought it was good advice, and Eliot was good at the whole relationship thing. Or he would have been, probably, if he wasn't busy being wanted in multiple countries and everything.

"Fine, whatever." Eliot stabbed a knife in the direction of the living room. "Go."

Parker didn't want to, but she wasn't going to let being nervous stop her. She followed the sounds of typing to the game room, which was the living room except less classy.

"Eliot had a lot of advice." She sat down next to him. "Some of it might have been good."

"About what?"

"...cooking," Parker said. "Cooking stuff. Things that need to be cooked."

"Right." Hardison shook his head. "You ever think this might be the dumbest plan Nate's ever come up with?"

"I don't know," Parker said, "I think the time with the three chickens was worse."

"Maybe a little."

"Tiny bit," Parker said, and leaned back so that their shoulders pressed against each other.

||

A week later they still hadn't figured anything out and Parker was a little worried her fingers would fall off if she kept masturbating.

"Two more days," Hardison said. "That's what Nate said, two more days and we'll have enough."

He looked like he hadn't been sleeping, except Parker knew he had because she'd been watching him. Maybe he had bad dreams. Or maybe this thing was bothering him as much as it was bothering her.

She wanted to kiss him again, but they hadn't had a reason to do it for cover, and anyway -

And anyway, she wasn't sure she was ready yet.

"It'll be fine," Parker said. "Two more days. It'll be fine."

Hardison didn't point out that she'd said it already, which was nice. He did hold out a hand. "Let's get out of here."

"Where will we go?"

"The gym," Hardison said. "You can beat me up. It'll be fun, come on."

They hadn't used the gym much; Parker preferred to go running at four in the morning, and Hardison did push-ups and leg lifts next to his computer since Eliot wasn't around to make fun of him for it. But it turned out to be really nice. It was easy to lay the exercise mats out and change into the gym clothes that were folded up on a shelf for them.

Parker wasn't actually all that great at the hitting thing. Eliot had showed her a few things and she could take out most guys easily, but she didn't have technique or anything.

Hardison was pretty good at running away, and she thought Eliot might have shown him a few things, too, but in the end she could still take him down. Again and again. "What are you getting out of this, exactly?" she said while holding him in his sixth choke-hold.

"Nothing," he wheezed. "Just like being around you."

She couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not, so she dropped him to the mats and leaped to her feet. "Again."

"Why don't we use the bars?"

Which was how Parker ended up doing flips and walking on her hands while Hardison did pull-up after pull-up. He actually really looked good, all sweaty with his shirt sticking to his muscles.

"Something wrong?" Hardison said.

"No," Parker said, and did a series of handsprings and twists just to prove her point. When she stopped, Hardison was staring at her, too.

It would be nice, Parker thought. But it wasn't worth it, messing up everything that had taken so long to get. "I'm going to go shower," she said, grabbing a towel.

She couldn't resist jumping on top of the tallest bar and walking across it before leaping off to land right in front of the door, though. That would have been asking too much.

That night they had to do a comm meeting. Parker was explaining Johnson's security in preparation for the final grab when three men burst into the room. One punched her in the head and two grabbed Hardison. By the time she'd gotten to her feet, the screech of tires outside was announcing their getaway.

After that, everything went fuzzy. Parker thought she might be yelling and she knew she was destroying things, but that didn't matter. What mattered was getting to Hardison. What mattered -

Was Eliot bursting through the door and grabbing her just as it finally occurred to her to get the car keys.

So maybe two minutes, tops, had passed.

Parker didn't struggle. Eliot could break all of her bones without even bruising her outside, and he wouldn't, but he would definitely stop her no matter what she tried. So she went limp and let Nate and Sophie and Eliot talk around her.

They'd get him back. They had to: Parker hadn't had time to tell him the important things yet.

An hour later, Nate and Sophie had a plan that would probably work, if they were lucky. If they were right about where Johnson had taken Hardison, if the distribution list hadn't been a fake, if Johnson was only one step ahead of them instead of three or four.

It was too many ifs, but that didn't really matter: that was the plan, and Parker had to do her part and not think about all the ways they might be hurting Hardison.

"It'll be okay," Eliot muttered after Nate and Sophie left to get ready.

Parker looked at him. "You don't really believe that."

"Yeah, fine, no," Eliot said, "but what else are we going to believe right now?"

"Hardison's dead," Parker said. "We could believe that."

"We're not going to," Eliot said. He moved just close enough that she could punch him if she wanted to. "We're just not going to."

Parker never got a chance to reply. Nate came out, dressed in a tux, and said, "Now, remember. We pull this off, Hardison's fine. We fail -"

"That's enough, Nate," Sophie said quietly. Parker would have thanked her if she thought she could talk.

It was fine, though. She'd done plenty of jobs like this. Feeling good on a job was something that happened with the team. It was new. She didn't need to feel good or comfortable.

As long as her rig worked, she'd make it out. After that - she wasn't going to worry about after that.

Nate gave her a last worried look, eying her like she was a science experiment, before saying, "We know our roles. Now, let's play them."

Parker put on her cap and hoped Hardison was still alive.

||

In the end her job was easy. The manifests, the real ones, were hidden in a safe that was supposed to be impossible to find, much less crack. But Parker wasn't the best for nothing. She got the job done, and then called Eliot so he could beat a way out for Nate and Sophie. And Hardison, if he was there. She didn't ask.

When they reached the rendezvous point, Hardison was lying on a stretcher. He looked awful. Parker didn't run forward, because this was a job. An old job, the kind where feelings didn't matter. She couldn't -

Then Nate said, "It's safe," and she gave up pretending she could pull an old job anymore.

"Hey," Hardison said when he saw her. He definitely wasn't dying. He had all his teeth and everything.

"It's good that you're not dead," she said, and then touched his face anyway, because he could have been.

"Think once this is over we'll get a little time alone?" Hardison grinned, then winced. His lip was bleeding.

"It's not over yet," Eliot said - but he said it nicely.

"Parker." That was Sophie, almost but not quite touching her. "Parker, it won't be safe for much longer. We've got to get Hardison to the hospital."

"Got one of the IDs with insurance?" Hardison was sounding worse. Parker stepped back without touching anything. It looked like his fingers might be broken.

"All three," Sophie said. "Eliot, get the car."

Parker kept her eyes on Hardison until there was the sound of tires. Then she and Eliot were lifting Hardison into the car and all of them were going to the hospital despite of how unsafe it was.

Nate ended up next to Parker in the back. They'd taken the seats out so Hardison could lie down. Parker would rather have Sophie, but she was the one who knew where the hospital was.

Still, it was nice to have someone. And Nate knew not to touch her, not even a hand on her shoulder. He just said quietly, "He's going to be okay, Parker," and she believed him.

They probably could have gotten the nurses to let all of them in, but Parker still had the ID that said she was legally married to him (and Jane had really good insurance in addition to working for the company), so they sent her in first. He looked awful lying on the hospital bed like that, but he still smiled when he saw her.

She stood next to him and tried not to look too stiff. "So what's wrong with you?"

That made him laugh. "Broken foot, two broken fingers on my left hand, bunch of bruises," he said. "Nothing that can't be fixed."

"So I can take your right hand," Parker said, and held her breath.

"Well, if by take you mean hold, then sure. But if you want to steal it, I got to warn you, it's not -"

Parker grabbed his hand and squeezed it, and he stopped babbling.

||  

She stayed in his house. Nate looked like he'd like to tell her no, but he didn't say anything, and Sophie thought it was a good idea. So when the hospital released him the next morning, Parker was waiting at his house with pizza and a balloon.

"Hoped for a bedside vigil," Hardison was saying as Eliot unlocked the door. "But it's fine, it's cool. Thieves got no respect - I'll keep that in mind for next time."

"Hi," Parker said, and when he stared she thrust the balloon at him.

"Cool. Uh. Thanks - shut up, man!"

Eliot stopped snickering.

"You can go," Parker said. She wasn't going to say what she needed to in front of anyone else.

And Eliot left. He must have known, judging how quickly he went. And how upset Parker had been, probably.

She hated being transparent.

"So," she said a Eliot walked away.

"Can you believe they gave me a cane?"

Probably, if she'd been paying attention to anything but his face. "You should sit down. Does your foot hurt? Sit down."

"It's fine," Hardison said, but he went with her out to the living room and sat down.

Parker stayed standing. "You worried me. Don't do that."

"Well, I'll try not to."

"I mean it." She didn't know how to make it obvious that she was serious, so she crossed her arms and tried to frown - but that didn't really work. She was too happy for it to work. "I got used to liking this, you know."

"Wait, what?"

"This." She gestured around, then remembered that they were in Hardison's house. "You know, the job. I liked it. I -"

"Oh," Hardison said. Then he added, "Oh."

"So don't get kidnapped," Parker said, "or hurt. Or -"

And Hardison was giving her the look again. The look he got when he knew she wasn't ready to Talk About It. Except she was. Or maybe she wasn't, but she was as ready as she'd ever be. They'd already gotten fake-married and everything anyway. Leaning forward and kissing him was practically moving backwards.

Except for how it wasn't. It was a lot of things, but it definitely, definitely wasn't backwards.

Which, Parker thought, was really a good thing. She didn't think she knew how to kiss backwards.

She did know how to climb into a guy's lap, though, so she did that. It was great for the two seconds it took for Hardison to pull back and start looking guilty.

"Stop," Parker said.

"It's just -"

"It's okay," Parker said, because it was. It really, really was.

"No, seriously. Are you sure that -"

"Yes."

"And we're not, you know -"

"No."

"Right." Hardison looked at her, really concentrating hard. She wasn't totally sure what the questions had been, but she knew what he was going to ask. Which didn't even make sense inside her head, but neither did real marriage, if you thought about it hard enough.

"Okay," Hardison said quietly after a few seconds. "Okay, yeah. Let's – yeah."

He looked nervous. She reached out without thinking, touching his cheek and running a finger over the line of his jaw.

"I kind of -" She stopped, thinking it over. The way he watched her was almost too patient. If she'd been asked she would have said she wanted him to mess something up, show her a weakness. The truth was that this whole thing was way, way more terrifying than a one night stand.

It was pretty amazing, though, in between the scary - and that was what Parker was sticking around for.

"I've had plenty of sex," she said finally. "Just not, you know. With people I talked to."

"I'm not worried that I'll corrupt you, or whatever." Hardison waved a hand. "You know, you're - you're just you. You know?"

"Yes," Parker said. "Can we worry about how I understood that? Because I think we might need to."

"Nah, we're good," he said, and put his hand around the back of her neck, pulling her forward.

This time she didn't bother with thinking.

||

"I'm making breakfast," Parker said, and put on one of Hardison's shirts.

"See, now, that? That is hot. But you still don't know how to cook, and the shirt isn't going to make me forget it." Hardison fumbled everywhere he could reach. "Where's my cane?"

Parker smiled. "I stole it."

"You - all right, look, you have to the count of five. Count of five, you hear me? One, three -"

"Lie in bed," Parker called over her shoulder as she went to the kitchen, "or I'll forget I know how to do the thing with my tongue."

"Which thing?" Hardison yelled, but he didn't sound like he was moving. Parker decided to let him stew, just in case.

She made them toast, because it was hard to mess up, and Oreos, because they didn't look all that stale. And orange juice, because Eliot was probably worrying about Hardison's health or something stupid like that.

Hardison smiled like she'd made him a fancy omelet or maybe carved his face on Mount Everest. "Thanks," he said, and took a bite of toast.

"Don't make that face," Parker said. "It's fine."

"It's burned."

Parker took a huge bite. "So? It's toast."

Hardison shuddered and drank his juice. "Yeah, okay. Next time, I'm cooking."

Hardison naked in an apron. It could work. "You can cook?"

"Okay, look, just because Eliot can do things obnoxiously well doesn't mean us mere mortals can't manage an imitation every now and then."

"I know," Parker said, and smiled. "I can beat people up, too."

Hardison leaning forward to kiss her wasn't a surprise. How bad his breath smelled kind of was; she wasn't used to morning breath. It probably would have been horrible without the juice first.

She kind of liked it anyway.

"Sorry," Hardison said, and leaned back.

"If I give you your cane will you go brush your teeth so we can make out?" Parker said.

Hardison propped a hand behind his head. "My life is sad, you know that?"

"You're lying," Parker said, and got his cane out from under the bed. "See? Easy."

"For you, maybe. Come on. Give Grandpa his cane."

Parker just stared.

"Okay, fine, I'll never call myself that again. Come on, Parker."

"Hobble fast," Parker said, and handed him the cane.

While he brushed his teeth, she called Sophie. "I've got it bad."

"Parker? Where are you? I tried to call -"

"I'm at Hardison's." She listened to the toilet flush. "He's in the bathroom. I told him to brush his teeth but I think he's peeing too."

"You're not being his caretaker, are you? If Nate put you up to that -"

"No, it's - I kind of." Parker swallowed. "I stayed over, okay? I told you I've got it bad."

"Oh. Oh, goodness." Sophie was switching into her advice voice. Parker still hadn't figured out if she knew she was doing it yet. "And you're happy, then? He's not been unpleasant?"

"He's Hardison," Parker said. "Anyway, I'm always that guy. Hardison couldn't be."

"Well, then, that's good. Will you steal my necklace if I say I'm proud of you?"

"Maybe your car," Parker said. She hoped Sophie could tell she was happy.

"You sound absolutely ecstatic."

Or maybe not. Sophie sounded too pleased. "Don't tell Nate," Parker said. "I mean, yet. Please."

"Hmm, yes, good point. He'd do something idiotic. Does Eliot know?"

"Probably." Eliot knew most things about them.

"Hey, can you hand me some pants?" Hardison said, sticking his head out of the bathroom. Apparently he'd showered. Overachiever.

"You don't need any," Parker said, not moving.

"I should let you go," Sophie said. "Try not to break anything else important."

"Don't worry, he's not going to use his feet," Parker said, and hung up.

"That was a horrible joke," Hardison said. He'd opened the door so that Parker could watch him brush his teeth. Naked.

"It wasn't a joke," Parker said. "Did you leave me hot water?"

"Do you care?" Hardison said, and then winced.

Parker didn't say anything for a few seconds, getting up and brushing past him. The water was plenty warm, so she stripped. "I like warm water."

"I wasn't sure."

"Because my house is so creepy?"

"Parker, it's not a house, it's a warehouse."

"I know that." Parker turned to look at him. She didn't want to have this conversation, but - "What are we even talking about?"

"I just -" Hardison shook his head and spat the toothpaste out. "There're some things I didn't notice when we were living next to the Johnsons. Okay? I was trying not to notice...some things."

Parker had been doing the same thing, except not with showers because aside from Hardison being naked in them she didn't think they were very sexy. Still. "Okay," she said. "I'm going to shower, and then we're making out."

"You don't have to shower."

Except Parker knew Hardison only didn't care about being clean when there was a computer involved. "It'll only take a minute." She turned the water on.

Hardison nodded and limped to the door. He left it cracked open, but didn't try to stay. He hadn't noticed anything about it before, but now he was picking the exact situation Parker would have.

This could probably work, Parker thought. The idea made her speed up her shower a little. She wanted to be able to grab Hardison again.

They had sex again once they'd both showered, and then Hardison made them leave the bed so he could lie on the couch and watch cartoons. Parker sat with her legs in his lap and fiddled with a Masterlock. After the first fifteen minutes or so, Hardison picked up one of her feet and started massaging it.

Parker didn't say anything, but she did move a little closer.

"So," Hardison said during a commercial break, moving on to her second foot, "what are we doing here, do you think?"

"Probably something stupid," Parker said, pressing her feet down against the couch so she could curl around Hardison.

His hand came up to rest on her back. "Yeah, probably."

||

Parker took advantage of Hardison sleeping in the next day to look around. He had decorated pretty much the way Parker would have expected, if she'd been thinking about it. Lots of nerd stuff on the walls, and Star Wars action figures in front of science fiction books in the guest room.

But his house wasn't huge, which was honestly a surprise. Parker started going through his drawers, but they were empty. Some people kept the exciting stuff in the guest room, but Hardison must be too smart for that. She was kind of proud of him.

She heard him coming, of course. "Why isn't your house bigger?" she said, opening the closet to go through it.

In the mirror on the closet door, she saw him lean against the door frame and cross his arms. "First few houses I had were huge."

Parker snorted. "You're not that old."

"Even cybercriminals can't stay still. I've had more than a few places." Hardison shrugged. "It got boring, living large. And I couldn't shake the feeling Nana'd never like them."

Parker wished she could meet Nana. She kind of wanted to know if they'd have liked each other. "Oh," she said. The closet was nice. You could practically fit a bed in it. "I like this room," she said, turning around. "Can I keep it?"

She'd managed to surprise him. "Can you - wait, are we talking about what I think?"

"I don't want commitment," Parker said. "I mean, not completely yet. But we could be roommates who have sex and - spend a lot of time together."

She wished she could make him smile like that, all weirdly and happily, every day. "Well," Hardison said. "That's...huh. Works for me."

Parker surprised herself by moving forward and kissing him. It was getting easier but not less exciting - like cracking safes. Well, almost like cracking safes. Hardison could kiss back.

They pulled apart after a few minutes, just barely. Hardison kept a hand on the back of Parker's neck, and Parker leaned her forehead against Hardison's.

"Nate called," Hardison said.

It was weird to be able to feel him breathing and be touching, and not be about to have sex. But in a good way, she thought. "When does he want us to be back?"

"We've got one more day."

It was nicer than she'd expected. Parker frowned. "Did Sophie tell him?"

"I think he was just...perceptive."

"Nate?" Parker snorted. "You've got to be kidding."

"Give the man a little credit. He is a con man, and all."

Parker shook her head. "He never said anything to me."

Hardison pulled back a little. He looked uncomfortable. Too uncomfortable, Parker thought. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"Nothing," Hardison said. "Well - not nothing. I'll tell you some other time, okay?"

That didn't exactly make Parker less suspicious, but she knew not to press him. "Okay. I'm going to go for a run."

"I'm going to hack NATO again." Hardison shook his head. "They ought to give me money for helping them fix their security. Babies could hack it, seriously."

"Why do you need to hack NATO?"

"Security codes. Nate said he wants them."

Parker was pretty glad her job was specialized, actually. "Huh. Let's go out for dinner tonight?"

And there was the smile again. "Sure. See you in awhile."

"See you," Parker said, and went outside.

||

They walked into HQ the next morning slightly closer together than they'd normally be. Parker knew everyone would pick up on it. They were thieves for a reason.

"Just what we need, a couple," Eliot said. Parker figured that meant he'd be asking her about her feelings later.

Sophie just smiled and nodded at Parker. After Nate had explained how a man named Vincent Brown was stealing from the Ronald McDonald house, Sophie said quietly, "I am proud of you."

"Me, too," Parker said, because it was true. "Think I can steal McDonald's?"

"I'm fairly certain you can," Sophie said. "But why don't we go to that lovely little jewel place that lies about its blood diamonds and steal a few for ourselves?"

"I heard that," Nate said from his position at the bar.

"You were meant to," Sophie said. "Come on, Parker."

Sophie was a good friend to have, Parker decided, and followed her.

It turned out that Sophie liked diamonds way more than Parker did, which wasn't really surprising. Diamonds weren't hard to fence, but they weren't as easy to keep as money. Parker had priorities.

"I confess myself shocked that he was so easy," Sophie said, turning one of the larger rings around on her finger. "Normally it takes a good deal longer to talk a man out of his best purchases."

"He thought you believed him," Parker said. "About the whole created in a lab thing."

Sophie snorted. "I like to think I can tell the difference."

"Is that possible?"

"For me, it is." Sophie sighed. "I suppose I should feel guilty about wearing them."

"We stole them. No profit." Parker wasn't sure she'd feel guilty anyway. Well - no. She had to stop saying that to herself. She knew it mattered. "We could sell them and give the money to charity."

"I'm not going to go that far. I'll give money to a charity, perhaps, but these are lovely."

"Only buy conflict-free." It seemed like the kind of thing Nate would say.

She regretted it when Sophie's look sharpened. "Have you gained an interest in jewelry, then?"

"What?" Parker snorted. "No."

"But you and Hardison -"

"Are you saying I should buy him a ring?"

"I thought you might be...thinking more traditionally."

Parker thought about it. She'd slept in a warehouse and only had one-night stands, and hadn't really known how to talk to people when she'd met Nate. "Maybe a little. Not enough for jewelry, though."

"No, I suppose not," Sophie said. Parker thought she sounded fond. "Very well. Shall we return to headquarters? I think we're beginning the con tonight."

"I'm not wearing heels," Parker said, "and I'm not playing in any ball pits. They're gross."

Sophie's laugh made her sound like she'd never had a single sad day. "Of course not. I think Nate's planning on throwing you at Brown's security system, actually."

"No lasers in the air ducts," Parker said automatically, because never again.

"No. But a bit of a challenge, I should think."

"Good," Parker said. "Let's go back and get started."

||

Three hours later, Sophie stumbled into Vincent Brown. "Oh, excuse me!" she said. "I'm so dreadfully sorry." Then she burst into tears.

While she told Brown about her dying brother, Parker flipped her way through an antiquated security system and got the external hard drives Hardison needed, along with two hundred thousand dollars' cash. On the way out, she ended up having to jump up to the ceiling and do a split to keep from being discovered. With the bag of money still in her hands.

She wasn't caught, of course, because she never was. And two minutes later she was outside the building, with Brown and his security team still ignorant she'd ever been in it.

"Damn, girl," Hardison said over the comm. "That was pretty hardcore even for you."

"Quit being sappy over the comms!" Eliot growled.

"Calm down, man," Eliot said. "You're an invalid, remember? We don't want you to be overdoing it."

"I'll overdo your -"

"I changed my mind," Nate said. "We're taking him to the cleaners."

"Nate!" Hardison said.

"Kidding," Nate said. "Now everyone, calm down. Sophie's about to hook him."

They all got quiet and listened.

"- can feel as if there's a silly little chorus of arguing fools in your head, can't they?" Sophie said. "Honestly, working with teams can be simply...exasperating. If you could help us, Mr. Brown, I'd be absolutely ecstatic."

"I'll do everything I can," Brown said.

Parker grinned.